Hanley Ramirez is a nancy-boy

Below is the latest in our ongoing series of posts by our special guest blogger Tommy L. Given the recent injury news from his team, our venerable friend decided to speak on injuries in baseball.

Lasorda

Yeah, I’ll say it. Players these days are damned sissies, the lot of them. Take this Ramirez kid. What’s his name, Handy? Heck, I used to know a “Handy Ramirez” back in the days when Fleiss was still running her outfit. Little lady from Tijuana, carried a bottle of Jurgens in her purse and did this little twisty thing that would make a man go crazy…

But anyways, what I’m saying is that the players of today are a pale imitation of the ballplayers we had back in the day. Hell, did you know I saw Andy Carey play the entire 1956 season with a broken femur? Kid parked in Mantle’s spot down in Spring Training and Mick smashed into him as he was unloading luggage from the trunk. That’s how you teach a rookie respect!

But this Ramirez kid? One little thumb injury and he’s down for two goddam months. Someone better tell this prima donna he has nine other fingers that work just fine.

You know, Fernando Valenzuela, my favorite Catholic left-hander of all time, he pitched his entire big league career without working ligaments in his left elbow. That’s why I pitched the kid 250 innings a year, that damn elbow of his flopped around like a nicely cooked strand of linguine. Couldn’t lift a fork high enough to feed himself half the year, but I’ll be damned if it didn’t make for one bitch of a screwball.

So while we’re on the subject of linguine, my new friend Guy Fieri turned me on to this amazing recipe. See, it’s a lot like your standard veal and pork chop parm with meatballs. But what you do is, in between the layers of cheese, deep fry those meatballs, dust them with bacon bits, then top with the rest of the parmesan. Serve with a pint of grappa and you’ve got yourself a sensible dinner!

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102 Responses to Hanley Ramirez is a nancy-boy

  1. Chico says:

    ‘Someone better tell this prima donna has nine other fingers that work just fine.’ LOL – dude, it sounds JUST like Tommy. Well done JDR

  2. shaman138 says:

    Gotta love that little twisty thing, Tommy. That’s one of my personal favorites myself. Although how you got it done after two burrito mojados, a plate of spaghetti, and a pitcher of beer without having a heart attack is beyond me. You the man, Tommy. Well, considering your sizable girth, you the men, but kudos anyway!

    • datswhatsup says:

      Ha!
      That made me laugh out loud!

      • Chico says:

        Not sure if you do faceboook Dats, but I scooped this off a page called ‘dodger fans vs dodger haters showdown’

        • datswhatsup says:

          Don’t FB, but the beauty of being a Giants’ fan in SoCal is the give and take with the Dodger fans is never far away.

          Most, vast majority in fact, are like SFDF…love their team and know the Dodgers and Giants would not be the Dodgers and Giants without each other.

          It’s too bad the most vocal are like A’s fans, bitter and sad…but they ARE the best to eff with.

  3. xoot says:

    Tommy, always good to see you express the product of your well-oiled lucubrations. Here’s an idea to keep you in good shape and fine form. It’s called The Bacon Explosion.

    For full recipe w/ spices, hazmat warnings, etc., google the title, but essentially, for each indiv. portion: 2 lbs thick cut bacon; 2 lbs mild loose italian sausage. Weave 2/3 of the bacon strips into fabric, spread sausage; fry rest of bacon & sprinkle pieces over the sausage layer. Roll it all up, using the bacon “fabric” the way you would a tortilla around the filling of a burrito. Bake or smoke at 225 degrees for 2.5-3 hrs. While it’s cooking, pick your side dishes (mac n cheese? O rings?). Open a few bottles of chianti, and let em breathe while you taste all of them.

    lunch

    LUNCH.

  4. Chico says:

    My former high school baseball team is 9-0 so far. My boy Joey can coach! Go Tigers!

  5. filthychangeup says:

    Brandon Belt having another great day, 4-4 with 2HRs and a double.

  6. unca_chuck says:

    Cowbell! We need more cowbell!!!

    Oh, I thought you said FOGHAT. . .

  7. mailorderwife says:

    Lincecum lays a bomb :<

  8. xoot says:

    Anybody know what’s going on with sfgate and sfchron? I haven’t visited the place much lately. But Henry S tweeted a link to his beat story for yesterday’s game, and it appears on a brand new site. Looks like maybe it’s subscribers only unless someone with access sends you a link to a particular story? Here’s the link Henry offered:
    http://www.sfchronicle.com/giants/article/Not-that-far-off-Lincecum-rocked-by-A-s-4379965.php?t=b9e437d114999e0292

    • filthychangeup says:

      That’s going to flop

    • mailorderwife says:

      The stories will remain on the non-pay site, but the pay area does offer lots more flexibility. It also allows for video upload and what not, bare advertising and more of a paper feel. I was an e-edition subscriber so I get this gratis, but the drawback is that I don’t have the MailOrderBride name under that account. I think you have register on this separate site in order to use your normal screenname.

      Papers are going the way of pay site. For this reason, it’s wiser to decide which newspaper deserves your money. The SF Chron only makes sense to me because I am native to the Bay Area. Since you already get Schulman’s stories for free, maybe money is better spent on something like New York Times.

      • xoot says:

        If you subscribe and comment on the stories can they ban you for comments they don’t like–as they do on sfgate? You’d think not, but you have to subscribe to see the terms and conditions for registering and commenting. Ann Killion, John Shea and Scott Ostler will get a bunch of (generally well deserved) negative criticism. Wonder if they’ll publish it?

        • Chico says:

          I was thinking the same exact thing Xoot.. If I’m going to pay for a product, will my comments that don;t violate anything get deleted? Is there someone to contact if I do have a problem, etc.. Lots of questions..

          MOW, if you can, can you keep us updated as to how many people are talking baseball on the new site?

        • mailorderwife says:

          I don’t think a subscription prevents a ban, but the comments area says that it is “Powered By viafoura”, a company that specializes in community building through socialization. It also claims to offer moderation, so this probably means that VK has nothing to do with the comments.

          As for right not, there are no comments on the Giants stuff. There are two comments on the headline “Pledge of Allegiance” story.

        • xoot says:

          I followed Henry’s link and posted a test comment. Maybe it’s not showing up? I just checked and it seems to be hanging in there. I wonder if anyone who subscribes can share a link? If so, one subscriber here could open a door for all of us to chatter on Giants stories there. That might be amusing for a while.

          • mailorderwife says:

            Try this: http://www.sfchronicle.com/giants/article/Belt-Giants-think-spring-can-carry-over-4378460.php

            There are zero comments on that article for me. Let me know what you see. Bear in mind that this is a separate messaging/comment system from the Splash article.

            • xoot says:

              Thanks, but with that link I only get a glimpse of the new site and an invitation to subscribe. Henry’s link earlier today to the previous beat article must’ve been an ad move. They’re trying to lure subscriptions.

              Maybe now is the time to write to the head people at the chron to tell them how badly sfgate alienated us. Why would we want to subscribe to the new site after our experience with sfgate. Etc. If they’re smart they’ll offer some short term comps. 😉

              • mailorderwife says:

                The comment section is far more complex but really…who subscribes to a paper to make comments? I think we’re all better off here, ya know? I just have access because I have the e-edition.

  9. filthychangeup says:

    So Pablo’s injury has me worried. The fact that its an overuse type injury has me even more frustrated by the WBC. I know Pablo was playing in Venezuela before the WBC but its hard to argue he’d be in the same position had he bowed out of the WBC. That said I really hope Belt is for real this year and Pence is more consistent. The Giants offense was far less torturous last year and I’d like to see the trend continue!

  10. xoot says:

    Interesting tweet from Henry S about 10.30 Monday morning:

    Henry Schulman‏@hankschulman39m
    Wealthy @HearstCorp wants to gut healthcare plan at @SFChronicle @SFGate. Help us fight back! http://bit.ly/14hXjxE #makesussick #hearst

    • filthychangeup says:

      The outrage on the flush over the baiting for premium access is rather hilarious.

      • Chico says:

        You know, I really like Hank.. He’s my favorite Giants beat writer of all time.. I hope he lands a gig somewhere else where his baseball knowledge, humor and wit is appreciated.

    • mailorderwife says:

      He should consider himself lucky to have had the plan for this long. When I first started working for the Scripps papers, they offered a wide variety of plans. Those plans were eliminated within my first year of employment in favor of one that would pay for everything, so long as these deductions were paid: $2700 per ind./$6000 per family. There was an HSA that had no expiration date to act as a savings plan for employees, who were already given a 6% pay cut. This resulted in so many co-workers never visiting doctors or never going through with surgeries. Mind you, Scripps also owns the profitable Food Network, DIY Network and other profitable entities. It’s all for an increase in profit margins, ya know?

      If Schulman does go to another paper, he’ll find the same situation. I think his only perk may be in working as a beat writer for an MLB team.

  11. Chico says:

    Oh, I’ll never leave this place MOW.. I did just sign up at the Merc, for free updates and stuff.. There is no report abuse button over there either, which is nice. JDR gave made this place for us — I’ll never leave.

  12. unca_chuck says:

    Mow, my last plan had a $10,000 deductible option. In other words, why pay for anything? Oh yeah.

    Much as I was for health care reform, all that has happened is the insurance companies have been given carte blanche to jack up their rates astromonically. Obamacare hasn’t even started yet, but health care costs have doubled in the past couple years. We are all getting less and less for more and more. Single payer would have forced the ins companies to keep costs somewhere in the realm of affordable. As it is now, they can do what they want.

  13. unca_chuck says:

    Which is why I got very pissed at Obama when he didn’t go far enough with health care ‘reform’ bill.

    • mailorderwife says:

      I just paid $3k for prescription drugs. This is without insurance. A Canadian friend told me that the country is really receptive to entertainment talent, so I may look northward. It’s cheaper to die in the US.

    • Chico says:

      I agree, it didn’t go far enough at all. Yeah, there are some good things about it, like my niece with cancer staying on her dad’s health care plan until she’s 26 or so. Hopefully we can keep her alive until then, but after she turns 26, after all the treatments and surgeries, she won’t be in any shape to go out and get a job. And what man would marry a sick cancer patient? This is what my sister, brother in law and niece struggle with every day – what are they going to do if she doesn’t beat it completely in 3 more years, when she was given 5 – 10 years max, to live. Does she just lay down and die, or does she fight like hell to live, only to bankrupt her family when she’s kicked off the insurance..

      It sounds brutal, but this is what they are faced with.

    • Chico says:

      But yep, it was basically one sloppy BJ for the insurance companies. What else is new in this country.

    • datswhatsup says:

      Chuck with all due respect health care reform was a bill of goods.
      Insurance companies are for profit…how can the govt expect them to act like a charity.
      Socialized medicine will be the result with those able to afford private care paying the dough to do so.
      The thought of adding the uninsured and it not costing the already insured more was a fairy tale

      • Chico says:

        Which is why we need to do away with private insurance companies altogether. It’s a racket that needs to be crushed.

  14. xoot says:

    This bailout of Cyprus is interesting. To pay for their part of it, the Cypriots closed the banks and now will swoop in to skim a certain percentage off the top of every bank account. It’s a tax haven in that part of the world, so some of the bank accounts are very large, and the money piled up in such accounts totally evaded taxes elsewhere. I guess accounts of that sort get more than skimmed. Wouldn’t you love to see 10% skimmed from the accounts of the top 1% in this country?

    • Chico says:

      Actually, I would.. Not in the same fashion, but I’d like to see tax levels go back to being somewhere between sane and about right.

  15. mailorderwife says:

    I don’t know if y’all have seen this video of Anthony Adams announcing his retirement, but it is definitely worth a view. Quite charming!

  16. Chico says:

    I was pleasantly surprised when I logged onto facebook this morning.. On the ticker feed, I noticed a lot of friends sporting the equal rights sign.. It sort of drowns out the other friends I have that have an Ak-47 as their profile pic.

    • mailorderwife says:

      I had quite a few anti-gay marriage posts on my board. Well, they were shared articles, because most of these anti-gay/pro-gun/anti-abortion friends either have no idea how to share their own opinions or just like to link shit from biased news sources. I didn’t know if I would write anything as I did not want to offend people, but decided to take the plunge after a friend posted a ridonkulous article on how gay marriage is ruining MA.

  17. xoot says:

    The ultra-conservative gay federal trial judge who decided the Prop. 8 case to begin with got it right: The state cannot adopt a religious definition of marriage that flatly refuses to extend the rights and privileges (no catcalls, now) of marriage to certain classes of people. There’s no rational basis under the law for such a definition. If your religion wants to restrict church marriages in a discriminatory way, fine. That’s freedom of religion. But don’t use the state to impose religious rules on people with different beliefs. It shouldn’t be a close call. Calif.’s constitutional amendment was unlawful under the federal constitution equal protection clause.

    The real culprit here is the Calif. initiative system. If you let 50% + 1 of the people who show up to vote alter the nature of fundamental rights by amending the state constitution, then you’re going to get a bunch of religious zealots from all over the world campaigning like crazy to get those votes. The result will be a mistake. That’s what happened with Prop. 8. An amendment to the state constitution should require at least approval by 2/3 of the legislature and then further approval by 2/3 of voters.

    • Chico says:

      Amen! Here’s a pic of my boy Phil sending a message to Scalia and Thomas –

      • mailorderwife says:

        Hahahaha nice!

        • Chico says:

          I’m trying to get some folks to blog here.. The usual response ‘what? blog?’ ‘what is that’

          People need to get out of this god forsaken valley for once.. I mean it’s a great town in some ways, but folks are so damn isolated… I miss Berkeley 😦

  18. mailorderwife says:

    Something to brighten your day: 30 Most Hilarious Auto Correct Struggles Ever. I’ve never owned an IPhone so have never had this experience.

    • JDR says:

      That’s about right. It gets particularly brutal when typing in any sort of non-western name or title.

    • Chico says:

      I actually have a text conversation with Sandy that I saved.. It’s hilarious.. Autocorrect was messing with him too. I’ll post it later.

  19. xoot says:

    How’s this for sfgate/chron crap — Scott Ostler has a piece up on the free sfgate site making fun of Pablo for telling Jeff Passan that he (Pablo) intends to lose weight in about two years. Ostler then does nothing but make fun of Pablo for being fat and lazy and irresponsible.

    In the comment section under Ostler’s effort, however, a commenter claims he heard Passan interviewd on the radio about Pablo’s remarks. According to the commenter, Passan said that Pablo told him “he knew if he didn’t lose the weight in the next two years, it would get even harder. Passan also made a point of talking about what a hard worker Sandoval is, showing up at 7:30 in the morning to take extra batting practice during spring training.”

    Ostler and Killion — two good reasons to leave the chron behind.

  20. Chico says:

    So I take my Subaru into the dealer for a couple of recalls and a 15k service. One recall was for a ’emissions software update’ and the other was for the windshield wiper motor… I get home to a little drizzle and my wipers are not working at all. None, nada.. It’s supposed to rain this weekend and my wife and I are taking the kids to the Monterey bay aquarium.. So I call them back and they say the earliest is Saturday – well, no dice for me.. I’m going there tomorrow and demanding that they fix it on spot, right there.. Sorry to rant, I’m pissed at the lack of customer service @ Serramonte Subaru.. Next time I’m going to Putnam in Burlingame.

    • mailorderwife says:

      I bought my Subaru at Putnam in Burlingame and was quite happy with their service. However, this was quite some time ago. Best cars ever!

    • xoot says:

      I bought a subaru in Anchorage. Used to get up in the morning, slip on my boots, head outside in a bathrobe and plug in the block warmer. One morning in Nov. my first inhalations on the front porch surprised me. I hurried to the task. Turned out that dawn set a record for the date — 26 below. After a year in AK, we drove back to Calif. The various rubber seals on that car, inside the engine and around the glass, started to fail at about 90K. Still, helluva car.

  21. Chico says:

    Meanwhile, I’m glad that Lyerla didn’t commit to Cal and instead committed to Oregon. What an asshole! http://www.oregonlive.com/sports/oregonian/john_canzano/index.ssf/2013/03/canzano_ducks_mark_helfrich_se.html

  22. JDR says:

    Not that I’d wish unemployment on anyone, but the asshole who wrote that stupid Kaepernick tattoo column got fired.

  23. datswhatsup says:

    Seems the Splash is a little dull these days so thought I’d reach out to my friends on the Splash.

    • shaman138 says:

      VeekKay, the biased A’s troll disguised as a blog admin., has accomplished his one goal in life by effectively throttling the traffic of his despised teams’ blog. Now he can go back to his life as a secluded pig farmer and bitter Chronicle employee. Meanwhile, even WBBarf seems lost and lonely on that blog these days, as even the depraved lawyer from Walnut Creek is ignoring him. Sad days indeed for poor old Wayne.

    • Chico says:

      JDR and Xoot were blocked.. The only regular who comments over there if TwinFan/JackCrabby.. VK really fucked us Giants fans over. . As long as VK calls the shots over there, it will forever be a troll infested place..

      I’m down to fuck with Buddy5 with ya though, Dats.. I enjoy watching you clown on him.

    • Chico says:

      Hilarious post over there, btw.

      • datswhatsup says:

        Don’t know why I bother with Buddy, but he’s such a fucking load I can’t look away, like a car crash on the side of the freeway.

        That smug tool used to share his circle jerk cracker with catgiddyup blathering on about what big fans they were but how the Giants were run by Dopes, when in reality each may have been a Giants’ fan at some point but each had moved on to washing the Braves and Dodgers’ balls regularly.

        You’d have thought 2010 would have sent them packing but they jumped on the fluke bandwagon, at least 2012 sent giddyup packing into a hole but Jive in 2010 became Yavlou in 2011 became Buddy5 in 2012.

        Once the Giants won he moved onto how much the Niners were losers and recently how the W’s would NEVER make the playoffs.

        That skidmark must be the most negative baement dweller on earth.

        He made the crucial mistake of posting a little TMI including how he lives alone and his dog is his child and how a story (actually a touching story about putting a dog down) made him cry. It allowed me to rail on what a pussy he is.

        Funny thing is as much as buddy irks me, I never read or respond to Jim. Weird.

    • twinfan1 says:

      Actually, I made a major bitch to VK today and he took care of what I asked. Once upon a time, he and I had a good relationship and he did administer the blog better than now. But he’s not happy to having to do the Splash again and he says the staff is not happy with the moderaters who are a third party firm under contract.
      As to me posting there, I hadn’t posted much at all for quite awhile, but I’d posted there from Day 1 and just decided not to driven away by trolls. Then some skank accuses ME of being a troll AND being of “Allie”. As of now, the skank is GONE..

  24. shaman138 says:

    As disappointing as this Sharks season has been, their recent shredding of the lame Anaheim Quacks has been nothing short of excellent. I especially can’t stand that Duck punk Perry.

  25. Chico says:

    North Korea has just put rockets on standby, that are aimed at US interests in the pacific like Guam, Japan and other places.. I’m telling you, desperate people do desperate things. I wouldn’t take this threat lightly if I were in charge.

    • mailorderwife says:

      Yeah…and it has me very worried as my entire family is in JPN. NK has already launched some stuff at JPN in the past, although it’s always missed the target.

      • Chico says:

        It’s a good way to start WWIII. . . Crazy times we’re living in. I thought about you and yours when I saw that..

  26. Chico says:

    Timmy is looking great so far..

  27. Chico says:

    Can’t hang a CU right over the plate..

  28. mailorderwife says:

    Tony Romo’s new contract makes me believe that Jerry Jones is taking some powerful hallucinogenics.

  29. unca_chuck says:

    If Jerry could fire his GM, he’d get somewhere.

  30. Chico says:

    The Posey deal blew me away today.. I wasn’t expecting that. Stoked to have him as a Giant for life! I know some of us are thinking about his ability to catch for that long (which is why he is so valuable in the first place), to wondering about what position he could play if his catching days ever catch up to him.. 9 years is a VERY long time in baseball. I don’t see him catching that long, but you never know. If Belt has a good year (I’m almost positive he will), that’ll make it tough for Bochy to sit him, and that’s where Buster gets a lot of his rest, playing 1B. . First world problems and I’m STOKED about the deal, but these are things to think about not only long-term, but short-term too.

    Posey IS the face of the franchise and the Giants did good here. The guy markets himself and the Giants better than anyone in recent memory. A man’s man. A gentleman. And one helluva catcher, to boot! I now know what jersey I’m buying! Taking the family to Monterey tomorrow for an overnight stay and some sea-life experiences with the kids… I plan on hanging out with one of my best friends ever, the sea otter.

    • mailorderwife says:

      I’ve spent most of my life watching really talented SF Giants leave the team as soon as free agency was available. No one wanted to spend more time here than necessary, much less make a career as a SF Giant. The signing of both Cain and Posey are still shocking to me — as is that fucking WAVE that was done at AT&T last night — as I adjust to the success of my beloved team. This is why people should never jump the bandwagon, but remain loyal fans of a childhood team. Even Cubs fans will get their day in the sun, although some of them will have died before such a thing would ever happen.

      • Chico says:

        True day. I remember some shitty teams and some good teams ( year of the strike in particular). You take the good and the bad.

  31. datswhatsup says:

    Well it’s down to JDR blog.

    Splash barred datswhatsup…man I got why fredosdog, dodger blew and datsright got the boot, but this last one is a head scratcher.

    I think I’m done with the Splash.

    • mailorderwife says:

      Yay! Stay here :>

    • xoot says:

      Yeah, I feel the same way. I got banned a couple months back for no reason. I think they’re being arbitrary, with no interest in attracting commenters. Perhaps they’re getting ready to shut the place down.

  32. Chico says:

    I booked another night down here, so Monday morning it get packed, get in the car and speed home in time for opening day (1:00). I didn’t hear or see anything about the game until I logged on- our third catcher hit a 3 run bomb? He must have been on cloud 9. Good for him.

    • xoot says:

      He’s on the 25-man roster, according to a Baggs tweet a few minutes ago. But so is Hector. And Sandoval. Hembree blew Cespedes away in the 8th.

  33. mailorderwife says:

    I am very excited for this season! As always, I consider any successful season to be one where the Giants finish ahead of the Codgers. But with our elevated expectations and His Bochyness, I would like to win another WS. Also,

    1) I’d like to see Timmy do well. I know this is a contract year so he there may be lots for him to prove. He’s still my favorite, so I’d love to see him re-sign with the team;

    2) Buster should continue to show the league why he’s the best player in MLB;

    3) Panda should lose at 2 lbs. permanently; and

    4) We all sit down, grab a bucket of popcorn and enjoy as Dodger ego juice floods their clubhouse.

    What would you like to see?

    • xoot says:

      I would like to see: Zito continue to pitch like a tough wily vet, Lincecum adjust to his age and get into the CY race again, Pence swing less and contact more, Belt swing more and contact a lot, and Posey make the most of his rest days at 1B and as the DH by raking then.

  34. mailorderwife says:

    Best MLB stadiums. The description for the Coliseum is pretty spot on.

  35. sandy32koufax says:

    Happy Easter. I don’t know if you’ve discussed this before but, i just watched something called “Legends:Willie Mays” on CSNBA. I hate SF but loved Mays. Good show.

    PLAY BALL N GO BLUES!

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