In which we extend a warm welcome to the NY Giants

Another week, another home game, another visiting team to welcome.

The New York Football Giants will be squaring off with the Niners for a shot at the Super Bowl in Indianapolis. They are of course called the “Football Giants” because most New Yorkers are too far up their own asses to realize that the New York “Baseball Giants” moved to San Francisco 53 years ago.

This is of course because most New Yorkers don’t feel the need to venture out of New York, which is probably a good thing because if they saw how clean, roomy and polite most other American cities are, they would all be really pissed. It’s very unnerving for a New Yorker to hear words like “thank you,” “I’m sorry” and “let me get you some clean silverware.”

But as we all know, the New York Giants don’t actually play in New York. They play in New Jersey, a state so shitty that no insulting comment I make will sting nearly as much as the  biting reality that you are in New Jersey.

Then there’s the team. A squad lead by someone dopey enough to be called “the goofy one” in the Manning family. Do you realize how hard it is to be the derp-y Manning? That’s like being the trashiest Lohan.

The Giants have a receiver who does the samba after touchdowns and a d-line that all sport designer face masks, and the New York sportswriters call the Niners soft? Alex Smith wears a work shirt in his press conferences and once played on a separated shoulder. Eli Manning licks Oreos like a five year-old and sits out practices because his stomach hurts.

But then again the Giants did win a Super Bowl back in 2008 and this year they knocked off the Packers, possibly because they came up against the only team in the league who was more arrogant and entitled than them. That won’t be the case with the Niners.

Patrick Willis, Justin Smith and Frank Gore are dangerous enough as it is. It takes an astounding ego and lack of self-awareness for a team to put a chip on their shoulder as well.

It takes the New York “football” Giants.

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24 Responses to In which we extend a warm welcome to the NY Giants

  1. shaman138 says:

    This game might not be as close as people believe….SF 34-NYG 21.

  2. Chico says:

    That was a hilarious write up! Spot on.

  3. mailorderwife says:

    Excellent article, and I quite enjoyed the description of New York. Of course, I love that town as it is the second greatest city in America.

  4. Nipper says:

    NINERS!

  5. shaman138 says:

    Honestly, I think people in NY are a lot friendlier than the people in SF. Well, half of the people in SF are from either Ohio or Boston so that explains a lot…that being said, let’s go Ravens!!

  6. xoot says:

    Well, it wasn’t the holder’s fault. That guy tee’d the ball up nicely, spun the laces away, and watched that high-paid foot miss the easy mark. What a way to lose a game. Who’s got it better than us? Not Baltimore.

  7. mailorderwife says:

    Okay. Time to look ahead.

    Bring on the REAL GIANTS, and to hell with the Superbowel. Picking a team to win is like choosing between Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann.

  8. Chico says:

    Kyle Williams.. This isn’t soccer and this isn’t Hollywood, there is no acting but there is replay you Fucking idiot!

    • Chico says:

      People are telling Williams to kill himself on the Comical.. What a bunch of idiots! Last time I checked, it’s just a game. Every team his is share of stupid fans.

      • mailorderwife says:

        Wow…that is so unnecessary. Williams did well during the season. He will turn as time goes, and this is a team game anyway. The 49ers could not get their offense moving as well as they should have, and that contributed to their loss more than anything else.

  9. shaman138 says:

    Oh…ouch! Welcome to to the pain, Niner fans.

    • Chico says:

      Yeah, that hurt because i really feel that we were the better team. One good thing to take away from this season is that our future is bright, and no football fan can deny that.

  10. Slats says:

    The field looked pretty good. and not the mud pit nor the riots the media has been preparing us for all week. The 49ers need a stud wideout and hope Crabtree brings it up a notch. Some talented players out there, but Alex Smith is unfortunately not one of them. Not because he lost, but too many times all season he was directing the offense not to lose the game rather than win it. He was like a totally different guy against the Saints. Today, we saw more familiar Alex. Entertaining season for sure. How come we got Joe Buck for this? Is he the go to guy for SF big athletic events? Does Fox hate SF teams?

    • Chico says:

      I think it’s more like everybody hates Fox. To be fair, Fox news is different than channel 2. I like a couple of the shows on Fox (ch 2), but I will not watch Faux news. I refuse to be fed propaganda.

      Tough loss for us, but the future is bright.

  11. Chico says:

    LOL! Get this, Chip Kelly is going to Tampa, Justin Wilcox and the asshole To$h Lupoi to Oragon, leaving Sarkesian in the dust after Sarkesian declared war on Cal and poached their recruits. Most of you won’t care about this, but that’s karma! I feel better after surfing the interwebs 🙂

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