Another week, another home game, another visiting team to welcome.
The New York Football Giants will be squaring off with the Niners for a shot at the Super Bowl in Indianapolis. They are of course called the “Football Giants” because most New Yorkers are too far up their own asses to realize that the New York “Baseball Giants” moved to San Francisco 53 years ago.
This is of course because most New Yorkers don’t feel the need to venture out of New York, which is probably a good thing because if they saw how clean, roomy and polite most other American cities are, they would all be really pissed. It’s very unnerving for a New Yorker to hear words like “thank you,” “I’m sorry” and “let me get you some clean silverware.”
But as we all know, the New York Giants don’t actually play in New York. They play in New Jersey, a state so shitty that no insulting comment I make will sting nearly as much as the biting reality that you are in New Jersey.
Then there’s the team. A squad lead by someone dopey enough to be called “the goofy one” in the Manning family. Do you realize how hard it is to be the derp-y Manning? That’s like being the trashiest Lohan.
The Giants have a receiver who does the samba after touchdowns and a d-line that all sport designer face masks, and the New York sportswriters call the Niners soft? Alex Smith wears a work shirt in his press conferences and once played on a separated shoulder. Eli Manning licks Oreos like a five year-old and sits out practices because his stomach hurts.
But then again the Giants did win a Super Bowl back in 2008 and this year they knocked off the Packers, possibly because they came up against the only team in the league who was more arrogant and entitled than them. That won’t be the case with the Niners.
Patrick Willis, Justin Smith and Frank Gore are dangerous enough as it is. It takes an astounding ego and lack of self-awareness for a team to put a chip on their shoulder as well.
It takes the New York “football” Giants.