Eli’s all pukey

It seems The Other Manning is struggling with a tummyache. Reports are that the “football Giants” QB missed practice with a mysterious stomach ailment. It could be a minor bug, or it could be that Peyton convinced him to break into mom’s liquor cabinet and make “tornadoes” again.

The Giants backup QB is David Carr, who was so good that last year the Niners benched him for Troy Smith. So here’s to hoping Eli’s tummyache is soon accompanied by fever and explosive diarrhea through Sunday. After that he can get better if he wants. Maybe. Whatever.

Because it singlehandedly provided the Niners with the luck needed to pull out last week’s victory, I will once again be running a post “extending a warm welcome” to the Giants and their fans. If you have any jokes/observations which you care to contribute (about New Jersey? Of course you do,) feel free to leave them in the comments.

Also, the baseball Giants (read: the good Giants) agreed to buy out Sandoval’s remaining arbitration years. So depending on your opinion of his work ethic/dietary habits, it’s either “three more years of Pablo!” or “three more years of Pablo?”

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67 Responses to Eli’s all pukey

  1. shaman138 says:

    You really shouldn’t wish injury or ailment to the other team’s QB–karma just might bite you in the ass with a break-out, explosive game from David Carr coupled with Vic Fangio getting a piano dropped on him. As far as three more years of Sandoval, regardless of how well it turns out, the one guarantee on that deal is three more years of WBBastard’s utterly fucking stupid Pablo fat jokes.

    • JDR says:

      “karma just might bite you in the ass with a break-out, explosive game from David Carr ”

      I’ll take my chances on that one. Here’s to a break-out, explosive day from Eli’s colon.

      • Chico says:

        Haha! I hope it’s coming out like spray paint!

      • shaman138 says:

        If his stomach problem is that bad, maybe a piano will fall out of his colon, too.

        • JDR says:

          Better keep him the hell away from Fangio then…
          Of course you know that if he has a good day and the Giants win, we’ll never hear the end of how courageous Eli played through the Ebola virus and singlehandedly lead the Giants into another Super Bowl game with the Patriots.
          I’m pretty sure that’s the sort of thing ESPN programming directors think about when they masturbate.

  2. unca_chuck says:

    Oh, it’ll just be more breathless commentary about the pseudo-legend of Eli Manning come Sunday. ESPN will be tripping all over themselves regarding Eli and the Giants.

    I usually don’t like Jim Rome on ESPN, but he was talking about Tim Tebow yesterday, which led into talking about Alex Smith. He said in effect, if Tebow thinks he catching shit, he should walk a few miles in Alex Smith’s shoes. Smith has weathered major injuries, huge expectations, and a fan base that has wanted his head on a platter for around 6 years.

    • mailorderwife says:

      Living away from the Bay Area, I don’t have the advantage of constant 49er news. I am dependent upon major TV news for anything visual, and 99.9% of the stories have been about Tebow. This made me particularly livid after the Saints/49ers game, which really should have highlighted Alex Smith.

      I mean, persecution nothing. Tebow aligns himself with Focus on the Family and toes the fundie line, and his followers shout PERSECUTION over any critical news of their Lord and Saviour. I’m sure that if Jesus played football, he’d be a better passer anyway.

      Meanwhile, the real story of redemption belongs to Alex Smith. Sports redemption is what really matters here anyway, and not some perceived lions in the den propaganda bullshit.

  3. lasttraintoyuma says:

    No way! I want Eli to be perfectly healthy when the Niners beat the Giants.

    So glad the Giants have locked Pablo up through his arb years. He needs to know they have confidence in him.

    • shaman138 says:

      All the players need to be healthy for the game so there won’t be any excuses…..and please, please, PLEASE, for the love of GOD, may the referees not fuck this one up with any bullshit screw ups.

  4. Chico says:

    Interesting post on the drumbeat regarding the A’s potential move to San Jose. Not sure how credible it is, but I found it interesting.

    “Some things to consider. According to WFAN Radio, the overall consesus on the issue is that unless the Giants are willing to take a monetary buyout to give up the rights, the majority of team officials polled at the meetings in Ariozona are reluctant to taking away a teams terrirorial rights. The fear is that it would weaken their own argument should the same situation present itself in their markets.
    The other is that Sen. Feinstein and Sen. Boxer have sent a letter to the Commissioners office assuring him that they will conduct hearings regarding MLB’s anti-trust exemptions should MLB take the Giants rights away.
    Congressional action has also been threatened by Rep. Nancy Pelosi and Rep. Barbara Lee through letters sent to the Commissioner’s office.
    On MLB.Network Radio on Sirius/XM, sources for both the Angels and Mariners have stated that the Oakland market has been “misrepresented” and the fans “mistreated”.
    Cincinnati Reds executives are on record that they are against taking away the Giants rights. This may have something to do with the relationship between Manager Dusty Baker and the Giants and Reds Executive Walt Joetty who spent 14 years with the Oakland A’s organization.”

    • shaman138 says:

      They just want to give more cannon fodder to the A’s trolls by posting shit like this. VK is a known hater of the Giants and his bias is clearly evident. Letting kenny, moss, slats, etc. spew their hate speech and attacks while banning any Giant fan who calls them out on their bullshit is his deliberate attempt to compromise the Splash and turn it into a childish, Romper Room baseball blog. Very immature and unprofessional for a media “director”. Notice how, since all of the regulars have either left for good or have been banned, every new blog post is on the front page to attract “newbie” and other idiots to say stupid shit at will.

      • Chico says:

        That was posted by an A’s fan who apparently, judging from his/her comment history, knows a thing or two about stadium proposals.

        On an aside, I did notice the splash going front page in the last week or two.

        • Slats says:

          That person has not said anything further about it. Never bothered to respond to requests for his sources.
          Sometimes, people think they heard whatever or they simply make shit up and write it on the Internet someplace.. I’m not thinking this guy took the aluminum foil off his head even for a second and the radio waves planted all kinds of thoughts and theories into his brain which was the origin of the baseless opinions he wrote on it. So if that was indeed what happened, he was infltriated by radio waves, he blogged about it and departed without providing an explaination.. If he just kept his aluminum hat on his head, none of this would have happened.

      • xoot says:

        If half of what that post on the dumbeat alleges is true, the A’s are dead. But I’m skeptical. I think letters from congresspersons are public documents a Freedom of Info Act request could nab. We should have more real evidence (and news) if those contentions are true. But don’t look for the news on sfgate. Ever.

        • And by ”News”…that means ANY credible, breaking or timely reporting by the gate and it’s dumb cousin AP…

          • Chico says:

            Err, when I need news, I don’t go to sfgate or the AP. It was a post that I found interesting by a commenter, not a news source, and was wondering what people thought of it.

            • Chico says:

              Specifically the part about owners not wanting to set a precedent over territorial rights.

              • JDR says:

                I’ve always thought that was the major sticking point. The Yankees, Mets and Phillies don’t want to open the door for Tampa to move to New Jersey or Brooklyn, and the Red Sox certainly don’t want another team to eye New England. You also have the two Texas teams who don’t want anyone moving into the state, and the Chicago/Milwaukee teams who will want to keep their respective territories free from the others. Add the SoCal teams who certainly don’t want a fourth, and possibly Colorado, who doesn’t want to compete for loyalties with a Salt Lake City franchise, and that 75% vote is a very tough sell.

                • slats says:

                  I’ve never seen anything to suggest any of those concerns affect the A’s/Giants situation in the Bay Area, but if you do, please share. Everything suggests is pretty much a local issue. Baltimore was the lone dissenting vote against the Expos moving to DC.

                • Slats says:

                  Ugly, you left your comments out there like a big matza ball. I want a take on that citing some sources if there are any or if it’s just your imagination, either way spill it man! I think thats a good way to stir the pot, but is it totally baseless?

                • JDR says:

                  Slats, if I had sources on this I would be running it under a major masthead and not a homebrew blog. Go ahead and assume anything said here is opinion, speculation or second-hand information.

            • xoot says:

              I agree. I found it extremely interesting. I would love to know what’s going on confidentially among the owners and Selig these days.

      • slats says:

        I’m here to say I’m involved in no covert action to spew hate, bannings, bullshit or attempt to compromise the Splash.

      • Slats says:

        I don’t want to start a whole conversation about what happened. I’ll just say Slats got banned because moderators get confused and make mistakes. Life goes on. This isn’t supposed to be UFC blogging or anything.

        Let’s all spend a moment and visual whirled peas.

    • slats says:

      I saw that piece and asked Jackson for some validation or at least a link and am intrested if he has something to say. There was link deposited on the Drumbeat yesterday that was from a year old blog from some kook in Brooklyn who thought the A’s would be able to take on MLB and the Yankees to move back to NY. Lots of stuff and much of it meaningless. I’m hoping for a decision by opening day, good or bad. Best for me would have been if Oakland worked it out, but that is so far beyond reality right now, it’s not even worth discussing.

      My thought is would it not benefit the Giants fans (and A’s fans) to have a healthy A’s franchise? There is a competetive edge needed to increase or even hang onto your fan base as well as to a lesser degree the egocentric needs of being the top dog in the area that translates into dollars through advertising, TV, etc.

      There are a lot of transient fans. I never recall as many Giants fans as I see now taking BART to the Richmond or Concord lines especially or wearing Giants hats and gear all over the East Bay. That used to be limited to the occasional Bonds jersey or Mays/McCovey back when. I’m sure there is concern about losing some of that but more importantly the San Jose crowd much of which I expect is on the fence in a manner of speaking. A local team will win the hearts and minds of a lot of folks and certainly some folks may be converted, but I also think would be an awakening of sorts.

      Who knows, maybe if the A’s aren’t in the condition they’re in and are a viable team to win, the Giants find that $10mil or whatever and land Beltran to try to make sure they nail down the West. Why does a fan care what a franchise pays a player (unless it’s a bad signing that prevents other good ones). I want them spending as much money as they can and putting a product on the field that will win. The concern Giants fans express is that some feel the owners are not doing enough to bolster a anemic offense while the elite pitching window may be closing. Lincecum’s situation is a perfect example. He could potentially leave in 2 years an unrestricted free agent so the Giants time is now.

      Anyway, I think a San Jose move by the A’s provides the Giants with another big reason for not becoming complacent and the A’s are on a fast clock to start winning before the new stadium smell wears off. Even if there is no sports winning ego with the owners (I don’t see Wolff having that kind of spirit at all), they all care about making money and not losing a cent. Anything that makes owners compete and work harder to attract and keep fans including build better teams is good for the fans who open their wallet and spend money at these games.

      • lasttraintoyuma says:

        Actually, those are interesting points, Slats. I’ve never had a problem with the A’s moving anywhere in the Bay Area. They could move directly across McCovey Cove and I think the Giants would still be the premier Bay Area baseball team. I don’t mean that as an insult, although I’m sure it sounds like one to an A’s fan. Even though the A’s have admittedly had a better history in the World Series, the Giants have more than 100 years of history and a deep rivalry with the Dodgers that the A’s can’t manufacture with Seattle, Texas or Anaheim. Their branding and the iconic park ensure that the Giants will continue to win the hearts of Bay Area fans.

        With that said, the A’s have clearly done some things right. Billy Beane might be holding a fire sale now, but I think they’ll be a perennial playoff contender around 2015. Their focus on getting to and winning the World Series does put the Giants to shame. Additionally, ever since moving their AAA team from Vancouver to Sacramento, they’re probably gaining more fans in Northern California.

        You might be right. The A’s in a sweet new stadium in San Jose might very well push the Giants to have to compete – more so than if they monopolized the Bay Area. The fans might benefit, from that standpoint. On the other hand, can you blame the Giants for trying to block the A’s move? The Giants clearly feel they’d be better off if the A’s moved to Memphis or Vegas or Mexico City or took Option B and were contracted. If you ran a business and had the choice between having no competitors in your metro area and one nearly-equal-sized competitor, which one would you choose?

        Thanks for adding some legitimate discussion here as a contrarian, Slats. Keep it up and you’d be a welcome addition.

        • Slats says:

          lasttrain, one of the A’s biggest rivalrys years ago was KC when George Brett was a machine. True, there’s no specific team that offers the Giants/Dodgers history, but not many do in any sport. Although, even though its Interlegue, those games get contentious. I never had the split As/Giants hat and wasn’t on the fence one bit in 1989 as far as who I wanted to win of course, but generally the Giants didn’t bug me until this San Jose thing started really taking on legs. The personal aspect of it is pretty simple. I have lots of friends and co-workers whatever that are either Giants fans, work or worked for them, or played for them. Life is quite normal outside of the blogosphere. It’s ebony and ivory, people living in harmony.

          You asked if I blame them for blocking the move? Absolutely. I don’t want to start an argument that’s already been rehashed to death, but one thing I find peculiar is the 49ers are actively working the Raiders to move with them to Santa Clara. The Raiders are considering it along with some unrealistic plans by Oakland to make something happen at the Coli site as well as Los Angeles. Even though this is Son of Al and not Al himself, I think there might be some people that don’t appreciate the Raiders pulling up stakes and leaving like they did. I hear theres a grass roots group who want the Rams back. That would make the most sense to me and what I’d like to see.

          As far as the A’s move, there are obstacles enough in making that happen. Fremont looked like a sure deal but they went sideways over parking and the surface street access which I agree with becuase SJ is farther, but I don’t drive on 880 unless I cant help it and that location is a mess all the time. So I’m glad they’re not there.

          So now we are left with a team that I’d like to see compete on a different level. I’m not expecting them to ever compete in the ‘Giants payroll strata, but I think they can hang in the $100mil range if things go right. Plus, the field is going to play completely different to the Coli or AT&T. No chilly inversion layer. The air is dryer and it’s more of bandbox so I think they’ll have interest from players who want to go there. The whole thing works out in their favor.

          It does not work out in mine. Literally, I want to make a 7:05 game, it’s driving time or BART, sit anywhere you want and you’re in for $30 for two tix. You can move arond quite a bit except the first level right behind the plate and dugouts. I know enough people that I can buy tickets down there too. Anyway, it’s been fun for me to go there since I was a kid. I’m a fan of the team and I like going to their games.It’s not life altering, but I enjoy it and also I like seeing players develop.I played not nearly long enough, but have made that a priority that has benefitted at least one family member who enjoys playing at a decent level. I’d be happy to talk about anything like that in person to anybody that I’m getting along with.

          Anyway, yeah, the Giants are being knobs over the TR especially when you consider how they got them. I’m hoping MLB handles it. I really wanted the A’s to stay in Oaklnad and figure out a way to deal with a park there. But that’s not happening so SJ makes the most sense. I figure the Giants will still draw there 3+ million as long as they are winning without much effect of the A’s, but I will say that I like it when the A’s beat the Giants and can’t help there’s some ego from BB on down as well to win those games. So where there may have been no rivalry, there exists one now such as it is.

          Talk to you later

    • mailorderwife says:

      Very interesting though the Cincinnati Reds thing intrigues me the most. They stand to gain by infringing on Cleveland territory and advertise like CRAZY on local Cavs broadcasts.

  5. We’ve just started a new blog about our lives as new Oaklanders, baseball fans and newffie owners…and goats…and chickens…and foodie devotion…and my never ending honey-do list…

    In short about our move to Oaktown and all that entails.

    My GF made our first post last night…more to follow and it will be co-authored so it will be a bit different than the usual…I hope:)


    When is McDipstick leaving LA and tell me that O’Malley is getting the franchise back!?!?!

    • Chico says:

      I tried to make a contribution but I need a word press or gmail account? Maybe I’ll have to create one, but I’m stoked for you guys.

    • JDR says:

      Very nice. Would you like me to add a link on the blogroll?

      • You MAY need to, Chico…I’m trying to get her to switch to wordpress too…;)…

        No JDR…an email from one of our ‘fellows’ has convinced that ‘sharing’ such a link will not be beneficial to either my GF or me…but thx for the offer, bro…

  6. Chico says:

    A MUST SEE for any Niner lovers. You’ll love this!

  7. Bozo says:

    You think Eli has stomach problems now, just wait until our D slaps him around like the redheaded stepchild (of Archie) that he is. No disrespect for redheads or other step children of Archie meant.

    Hey JDR, I hope you don’t mind a clown crashing your party.

  8. Nipper says:

    NINERS will Party!

  9. JDR says:

    Busy day for Fausto Carmona. In the span of 24 hours, he has aged three years and changed his name to Roberto Hernandez Heredia. whoops.

  10. Chico says:

    Looks like Delanie Walker is good to go, per Lynch.

  11. mailorderwife says:

    I know everyone is going to watch the game this weekend, but a little off-topic here.

    If you get a chance, see “Red Tails”. I say this as someone who cannot stand anything George Lucas directed. However, he funded this film f because Hollywood doesn’t believe in bankrolling an action film with an all black cast that doesn’t include a mammy, Step ‘n’ Fetch or some tranny Medea. I left SF to work in Hollywood as I had film schooling under my belt. I’ve been way inside the industry and have traveled abroad for film, but ended up leaving a well-paying job to teach kids in Compton how to use the internet to empower themselves.

    We have it made at sports fans, where talent and initiative has brought on a game filled with people of all colors. Hollywood, on the other hand, is the most racist industry in which i have worked. Break them :>

    • Great post, MOB…

      As a ‘1970’s, middle-class white, male,’ I have to say…’Tuskegee Airmen’ and the segregation they were subjected to, makes this movie a ‘must see’ for me. I grew up as the son of an Air Force Master Sergeant and he was NOT the typical republican military man of his day. THANK GOD and MY LUCKY STARS for my Father!

      • xoot says:

        My father was a master sergeant in the AF, too. As a kid in the army he went to Germany in WWII, and then in AF to Thailand during the VNam war. Long career. We moved almost every year. He never toed the militaristic line, though. Later, late 60s, my student deferment got me past the draft in the VN war. My dad was glad I didn’t have to see that hell. He’s in his late 80s now. When I take my kids to visit him down in Silicon Valley, for xmas, birthdays and so forth, he talks about his military days a lot, but it’s past. He does not want to see his grand kids fighting the wrong fight. WW II, of course, was something else . . . .

        • Chico says:

          My father was also in the AF (small world huh?).. He joined in ’66, two weeks fresh out of high school, Lincoln in the Sunset. He has stories good and bad about his service, the bad stories are mostly of people he either grew up with or met in the service that didn’t come home. He was stationed @ George AFB, then went to Northern England–Lakenheath RAF to train with the Brits. One night him and a few of his buddies travelled into the nearest town (Cambridge) and they got into a major brawl with some of the locals at a Pub. For punishment, he was sent to Wheelus AFB which is now the main airport in Tripoli Libya. Ghadaffi came to power while my father was stationed there so Ghadaffi ordered that all US troops leave ASAP. My father’s superior took him and a bunch of the boys to a hangar and opened up a crate consisting of sledge hammers and crow bars which puzzled my father at the time. He was then ordered to smash up the toilets and basically destroy the base, with specific orders to break up the porcelain and shove it down into the plumbing system to Fuck it up.

          The funny thing was they were ordered to leave the bowling alley perfectly intact, and everyone wondered why at the time. As they boarded the last plane out of there my father asked his superior “why was the bowling alley spared??”… His superior smiled and said “because we left it as a big Fuck YOU to Ghadaffi, they don’t have technitians that could fix the machines” and tugged a puff off of his cigar.

          Then he went to Aviano AFB in northern Italy right at the base of the Alps. My father still calls that place heaven to this day, it must have been really beautiful. All I have is black and white photos.

          • mailorderwife says:

            What great stories!!!! Thanks for sharing :>

            There is so much history that could be retold and filmed, but you know…the world cannot live without Hannah Montana 3D and Resident Evil 21. I would love to see a film about the 442nd regiment!

        • Read Studs Terkel’s “the Good War”…awesome book

  12. Nipper says:


  13. unca_chuck says:

    Jerry Rice must read this blog, JDR. He called Brandon Jacobs soft. As per my 1/17, 8:22 post on the ladt thread.

    • xoot says:

      Everyone calls Jacobs soft (not squishy, but soft). I heard part of the Giants game on ESPN radio last weekend and one announcer went ballistic on Jacobs because he ran laterally at the line when he didn’t see a hole. The announcer was yelling, “When you’re that big you plow forward! That’s what people mean when they say he runs ‘soft.'”

      I just have this nagging suspicion that the Giants might give Jacobs a few carries when no one’s expecting it. Congratulations, however, on contacting Jerry Rice so subtly.

  14. unca_chuck says:

    Strange. My father was in the Army Air Corps. He was training in Pensacola to be a fighter pilot (P-51s) when WW II ended. He stayed until 1946. Right before the AC became the Air Force.

    And yeah, I want to see that movie.

  15. Nipper says:

    It’s time for the NINERS to really fly! Bombs away!

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