In which we extend a warm welcome to the Saints…

It’s playoff time, and the Saints are coming to town for the divisional playoffs. With that in mind, and in the spirit of good taste and sportsmanship, I say we extend a hand to Saints fans.

Just be sure to wash that hand afterwords, because God knows what terrible primordial swamp diseases dwell on the palm of your average Louisianian. After all, the men in stat state hunt a foul-smelling, bottom feeding creature so adept at feeding that nature has seen fit not to evolve for millions of years.

But enough about the women in Louisiana, let’s discuss the wildlife. There are of course the alligators. And the poisonous snakes. And the spiders. Is it any wonder why there are so many guns in that state? Hell, you need a 12 gauge shotgun to kill a mosquito. And when the local wildlife isn’t trying to eat you, there’s the occasional stray hurricane to contend with. It’s a wonder anyone in that state lives long enough to die of a heart attack. How have these people not yet figured out that God does not want people living in Louisiana?

But enough about the state, let’s discuss the mold-ridden, fetid toothless whore that is its queen city, New Orleans. The city known for puke-ridden street parties and even better known for rampant, unchecked street crime.

But of course, there’s Bourbon Street. It’s only fitting that the most famous street in Louisiana is named after something everyone in the state drinks and nobody in the state can spell. It is of course known for rowdy, drunken co-eds partying and making bad decisions, the sort of rare sight that you’ll only be able to see on… well… weekends at any college town in the country.

But least we forget their majestic football venue? Candlestick Park holds memories of legendary players turning in some of the most famous performances in NFL history. The Superdome holds memories of assault, brutality and incomprehensible human suffering. And that was before the hurricane.

But what of the team? After decades of being so awful that the city hosted a bowl game just so they could see a decent football team, the Saints finally managed to bumble their way into a freak spell of respectability. Quarterback Drew Brees draws magical powers from the poo-stain on his cheek, while head coach and human tomato Sean Payton paces the sideline as he counts down the days until his brain aneurysm. In the meantime, they have managed to establish themselves as maybe the fifth or sixth most dominant franchise run of the last decade. Good for them.

So in summary, welcome Saints, and may the best team win.

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48 Responses to In which we extend a warm welcome to the Saints…

  1. Nipper says:

    Niners play their game and win! On to Green Bay!

  2. shaman138 says:

    Now that you’ve gotten that off your chest, JDR, tell us how you REALLY feel about the Saints.

    Anyway, as much as I’m pulling for the Saints on this one, toothless whores and all, I think the 9ers are going to pull this one off. SF by 7 and in Green Bay next week, where maybe, just maybe, they’ll win their first game in Lambau Field in the last century.

    That being said……LET’S GO SAINTS!!

  3. Chico says:

    We’re going to have to play out of our minds on Defense and our offense is going to have to get into the end zone instead of FGs in the red zone, obviously. We’ll need the 12th man, that’s for sure.

  4. mailorderwife says:

    I remember the days when people would wear sacks over their head while watching the ‘Aints play at the Superdome.

    Otherwise, my only memories of Louuzaana was sleeping in an old, haunted hotel somewhere along the freeway. There was not much to see but bald trees and bushes in the dead of winter, although their rest stops were clean. The ‘Aints were a terrible team when I went through the state, so I saw more Dallas Cowboy stuff hanging from gas stations and convenience stores.

  5. Chico says:

    JDR, not to mention the most politically corrupt state there ever was. People talk about Chicago, Ha! Nothing comes close to the oily politicians and judges in Louisiana.

  6. DJLoo says:

    I remember John Gilliam returning the opening kickoff for a TD in the first game the Saints ever played. Where’s Xootsuit? He’s a good football handicapper…

  7. I don’t see the Saints taking the niners at the stick…but wouldn’t be in the least surprised if it happens. Strong and balanced NO offensive attack means SF cannot get caught on their heels tomorrow…

  8. Nipper says:

    NINERS!

  9. xoot says:

    DJL must remember my call on the NYGiants super bowl run. Man, the shit that’s gone under the bridge since then. I’m essentially a different person now. I think this 49er team has a shot, and not just tomorrow. They’ll beat the Saints, and the combined score should be 60 or less. And the Giants and Lincecum will reach agreement without going to arbitration.

    • DJLoo says:

      I do remember that call, Xoot – but there were others. You had some solid college BB picks, too along the way. Anyway, hope all is well with you. Whenever I think I’ve become a different person, the old one usually shows up…

  10. mailorderwife says:

    So I went to the post office this morning and saw a dude wearing his 49er shirt. Claimed he had been watching the 49ers since Kezar days, and he got into a fight with a Browns fan who was standing in line next to him. If you are going to argue, why not at the post office, right?

    Anyway, I’m excited to see our boys go back to the playoffs. I still remember that chilly afternoon at Candlestick, sitting somewhere along the 3rd base line for that playoff game v. Dallas back in ’82. Would be nice to have one of those victories today.

  11. Chico says:

    For the first time in a long time, by buddy is having a playoff party at his pizzeria, beers on tap, Go Niners!

  12. mailorderwife says:

    YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  13. xoot says:

    I guess I was off by a few points. What a great game. My older kid called me, yelling: “The Catch 3! The Catch 3!” But it was the D that did it. What a great game.

  14. unca_chuck says:

    Un fu ck ing be lie va ble ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

  15. shaman138 says:

    That game was a classic. Hey, how about a rematch of the Thanksgiving game in the Super Bowl? The Harbowl…litereally. That’s what I want to see at this point. So…go Ravens and go Niners!

  16. A1985Mattalac says:

    After another unjust banning I think Im officially done with the Splash. Fuck SFgate and their ridiculous “moderation” that allows for rampant trolling and hate speech. As for the game, I didn’t even watch most of it but it was still the best football game I’ve ever seen. I really thought the Niners were sunk after the last Saints TD. I also couldn’t believe how poorly the Packers played yesterday. Bring on the Giants!

    • mailorderwife says:

      There is this habit that lazy moderators use, in that they try to chase away all those whom they believe to be troublemakers. Their bosses are too lazy to get involved. I think the best solution is to hang around here, where bearded men parading as nubile college students or some troll A’s fan with no social life can rattle our chains. Even in jest we get in trouble. Who needs it?

      • Chico says:

        You got banned? really? So that’s xoot, uglyfinder and Matt, all in a week and a half. Way to go VK!

        • TheMattalac says:

          Yeah Ugly and I got the boot for the same thing: telling Jim what a disgustingly creepy troll and liar he is.

          • JDR says:

            My first thought was to send Henry an e-mail letting him know that the actions of the moderators are actively causing his blog to lose readers and page hits, then CC the Chron sports editor and VK on the e-mail. But frankly, I was wasting too much time conversing with the morons anyways, and it’s a chance to put more time into developing this blog.

            • lasttraintoyuma says:

              Every time I post over there, I wonder why I’m even wasting the time. Luckily, my job has me too busy these days to spend much time there.

              • Chico says:

                Amen to all the replies.. The hell with that place; I’ll work on getting blocked there too.. I don’t give a shit anymore. Personally, I’m in the worst mood I have ever been in. It’s real hard to be a Cal football fan and today it got even harder. . . Now I know how it feels to be an A’s fan. . .

                I think we owe it to JDR to post here first before even thinking about the Comical. After all, he created this alternate place for us so we wouldn’t have to put up with the bullshit over there. Look at Flav, Chuck, Jack, Ewisco and the list goes on. They’re over it and we should be too. I don’t drink on weekdays but today is an exception. What a fucked up MLK day. . .

    • xoot says:

      I’ve corresponded directly with VK for 6 months or more, and I’ve given up on him and sfgate generally. The place is a joke. When my current user name gets banned (and I wouldn’t be surprised if mosshead’s emailing VK daily begging him to ban me again), I’m done with the site. VK’s bias for the A’s, and for Slusser, is somewhat disgusting, on an ethical level (if you know what I mean). Slusser herself, on a KQED feature a couple of weeks back, admitted that she grew up an A’s fan in Alameda. She’s a good beat writer, but she’s far from objective, and you can be sure that VK sets her up on the dumbeat whenever he can, and that VK slights the Giants writers whenever he thinks he can get away with it.
      It might be a good idea for Giants fans to email Henry and anyone else at the chron who may be above “Director of [sfgate] News” VK to explain why we’ve quit the site and the paper. If we make it clear that we’re leaving sfgate and the chron, they may pay attention.

      • xoot says:

        JDR — if the post above is too contentious — in fact, if there’s any chance it could cause difficulty — delete it. I have no problem with fair standards.

        • Mattalac says:

          I thought of doing the same thing when I was banned but like JDR I decided that it’s all in a losing effort. I started following the Splash in 2008 but never felt compelled to post anything. I was intrigued by WBB, that a grown man could put so much effort into hating another team/group of fans. I finally joined the fray when I could no longer resist giving him a piece of my mind. I will admit that I shamelessly consider myself a “troll hunter” in that I enjoy responding to expose their stupidity/hypocrissy. I’m far from the most knowledgable baseball fan (Ive only been a Giants/baseball fan since ’98) so I tend to respond more than post my own musings. I’ve come to appreciate you fine folk and always read your postings eagerly, especially when you’re making me laugh with your mockery of Fishshit or NinerJim. Chico is right, we owe it to JDR to focus our conversation here. Even if we get SFgate to pay attention it won’t stop Jim, Fishshit, WBB or Mossmoron from trolling the Splash, it’s what they live to do.

        • lasttraintoyuma says:

          I had every intention of leaving the Splash permanently three months ago. I wrote Henry and CC’d VK, saying that he was losing readership because of mismanagement of their blog site. No response from Henry but I got an immediate response from VK, asking to describe the issues more specifically, wanting names and stuff. I told him that I wasn’t interested in playing that game – that if they couldn’t figure out who was a troll on the site and who wasn’t, they shouldn’t have moderators at all. Again, he quickly came back and told me he had blocked a few people.

          That drew me back in for a little while, but it’s not my job to babysit the Splash. Either keep it clean or suffer the consequences. It’s clear that the blog has few sports fans left. It’s 85% haters. It’s fun to argue with the knowledgeable pessimists but trying to ignore more than half the blog gets taxing.

          Go Niners!

  17. lasttraintoyuma says:

    How cool was it that the NY (football) Giants paved the way for a 49er run to the Super Bowl? 9ers better win Sunday’s game now! Eli had all day to make passes vs. the Packers – that won’t happen with the Smith brothers.

  18. Nipper says:

    BEAT NEW YORK!

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