Unbunch your briefs, folks. It’s August.

As I type this, the Giants are down 5-1 in Arizona in what is supposed to be the biggest series of the season. Apparently baseball ha decided to do away with the final 54 or so games of the season and determine the division winner in the first week of August.

So this loss would make it four straight and give the Giants a one game lead over the D-Bags with two games left in the series. Which would of course mean that… the Giants have a one game lead over the D-Bags with two games left in the series. It will not determine the outcome of the divisional race. It will not determine whether the Giants will fall apart in the  playoffs or if they will wilt down the stretch.

The outcome of games in August hold as much bearing on the postseason outcomes as the leaves in Barry Zito’s morning cup of green tea. You know what happens in July/August games? Aaron Rowand hits leadoff. Barry Zito faces Johnny Cueto. Brandon Crawford hits in the top of the 8th. You know what never, EVER fucking happens in the playoffs? Aaron rowand starts a game. Barry Zito sees anything even resembling a pitching mound. Brandon Crawford holds a bat in his hands. August games are when the backups start. They’re when #5 pitchers get starts. They’re when Matt Cain gets left in to take a facepalm parade of seeing-eye ground balls from Arizona.

In other words, shut the hell up about the “implications” of this game. In August, the outcome of three games against Cincy matters the same in the standings as three games against Philadelphia, Houston or Colorado. They’re just numbers in the standings.

Except for Dodgers. Beating those assholes always counts double.

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