Bring out the women! Children! The Dodgers (blew) are coming to town!

It’s far too early in the baseball year to start counting chickens. For all we know and expect, the eggs will break upon to reveal beautiful orange and black chickens at the end of the baseball season. What ESPN and Fox exprvy — and don’t hold them back, because this is what they utter with every breath — is Dodger Balut at the end of the season. Meanwhile, we feast on the upcoming games against our rivals, and hope that we come out as victors.

And why not? Pagan seems to live on the basepaths at least once or twice a game. If Belt can get his groove back, he will be walloping balls out of the stadium. I hold out hope that he will hit at least 150 HR this season. And both Morse and Hudson are making Sabean looking pretty good at this point. If Panda could just get his head together and Scutaro make his way back into working order, the SF Giants will look pretty spiffy. Even if it is just the start of the season, all good things have a great start and great ending, with an exciting middle.

It worked for a film like “Aliens”. It can work for SF Giants baseball, too.

Finally, to defuse the constant stream of negative news about our 49ers, GENTLEMEN I present to you our very own LaMichael James:


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Home opener, here we come!

After a successful 5-2 road trip — and we all know that the umpiring helped with one of those L’s — the San Francisco Giants will be able to commence with their opening home stand.  First up, the Arizona D’bags. 

So far, Brandon Belt is on course to hit over 150 home runs this season.  Michael Morse, our off-season acquisition, is fitting in with the crowd of bats, contributing his own RBIs and clutch hits while Buster is looking vintage Buster.  Pence is coming around with some hits, and Panda’s weight loss has made him quicker with the glove. 

Despite the first place standing and all the accolades befitting a team that has won 2 World Series within the last three years, all the attention has been on the Los Angeles Dodgers.  ESPN has them on speed dial from their butt phone, and we can all take comfort in knowing that even if Cainer were to throw a no-hitter during Sunday’s game, the focus of all stories would be on Yasiel Puig’s precious thumb.  He needs it, of course, as prints are required at the police station for his next infraction which, as we say in Hollywood, is COMING SOON!

Otherwise, we love our San Francisco Giants.  We don’t need celebrity announcers to remember the names of our players, and we don’t need the allure of the Kardashian family to bring us to our beautiful stadium.



Giants v. Dodgers 4/6 Summary:



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Tim Flannery’s (removed) thoughts on instant replay

Giants v. Dodgers 4/5 Game Summary:

Giants v. Dodgers 4/4 Game Summary:

Giants v. Diamondbacks 4/3 Game Summary:

Giants v. Diamondbacks 4/2 Game Summary:


Since we’re all talking about the new MLB replay system, I’d like to share Tim Flannery’s late night facebook rant that has since been deleted, but I liked it so much I took a couple screenshots of it. I really respect this man and his passion for the game (and admire his lifestyle and outlook on life, as well).

Written around 11:30 pm, after the game. Excuse his grammar – his passion more than makes up for his writing but I’ll clean it up a little.

Replay in the sacred game stinks. Tonight, Boch was out on the field 4 times and doesn’t even argue, you wait around for someone in New York no one knows to make a long distance decision, who is he? Is he paid by gamblers? Then because you challenge the crew are you are wrong, the guy behind the plate screws you on not only bassl and strikes, but on the game deciding play at the plate because he knows you’re out of challenges…you lose rhythm, timing, the beauty, the human element, until the other side of the human element comes out….how about if the umpires are bad, you fire them. That’s what I deal with in my job on the field. Sorry, I am venting. Review them all or none of them, or home runs or plays at the plate only… I love Tony LaRussa, Joe Torre, and the gods of the game but when I retire, or get fired, I’m going surfing, fishing, taking my airstream up to Alaska with my lady. I’m not going to find a way to put my fingerprints on a sacred game that has worked fine for over 130 years… as Turko says – “it ain’t right”


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Welcome to Opening Day!

Summary of Giants v. Diamondbacks 4/1/2014:

Summary of Giants v. Diamondbacks 3/31/2014:


Written by Xoot:

Tonight’s season opener will begin under the warm clear twilight of AZ spring. In fact, the first three games of the season will be night games, which means I will get to watch them all. Meanwhile, I would very much like to thank Selig and mlb for giving the dodgers a nationwide audience last night. (The only other game played yesterday was Houston v. Veracruz.)

The extra stress gave the bums just the encouragement they needed: to try to throw a runner out at third instead of throwing to second to keep the batter-runner from moving into scoring position (Puig) and, on the same play to grab that ill-advised throw assuming that because it came from RF it must off-line (Hanley); to give up a booming HR to a pinch hitter in a one-run game (Wilson); to boot an easy play on a bunt (Wilson) and to misplay an easy ground ball so it clanked off the mitt heel (AGon), thus putting the go ahead and insurance runs on base–both of which, of course, scored.

Ah, what a display. We may not see such baseball from the bums again until October, when they choke and lose the play-in WC game. Go Giants!

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Tying loose ends, marching to the Dumb beat

Our boys have one more week to tie loose ends, send down the youngsters and head back to the Bay Area, where the Splash and Dumb beat will become one long troll fest of travel writer menace, gender confusion and a lesson in psychological disorders.  Life will commence as usual at the SFGate while we have our own little haven right here, custom fit for the passionate Giant fan and soon-to-be Giant fan thinking bloo.

Meanwhile, the team has released a new season of commercials.  Most of them try the DirectTV approach of clever commercials, only these fail miserably.  The most popular one?  Of course:

Meanwhile, Panda wants a Pence-like contract.  Things happen to your ego when you diet.  Just make sure to keep it up, Panda, and who knows?  Otherwise, we should concentrate on beisbol and Adrianza’s ERA, amirite?


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Spring training is going, going ….

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

We are ten days away from the Bay Bridge Series, that special time of year between Spring Training and Opening Day.  Our enemies, of course, wear green and gold and are identifiable by their troll-like demeanor.

Did our hatred for the A’s run so deep before we were introduced to the horrible board monitoring at the Splash on SFGate?  After years of Jims and Mollies and BarryForever and the travel writer, we have collectively become weary of that stench wafting from across the bay.  It reeks of burning keyboards, motley skin and perma orange Cheetoh fingertips.

The only other thing to worry about is the first world problems of Zack Greinke, who doesn’t want to go to Australia.  No! to the sandy beaches, the beautiful weather, that giant rock in the middle of the country and the ABBA singing queens.  Careful, Zack…dingos eat crybabies, too.

Almost time to really PLAY BALL!

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Welcome to baseball season, 2014 SF Giants style!

We’ve already had our first home run, a loss, some excitement, watched Morse get robbed of a homer and had Twitter spams for #FaceOfMLB.  Welcome to 2014 baseball!

To be honest, I’ve not paid much attention due to the accumulation of important life events such as cooking, cleaning, watching videos of Ben L’Oncle Soul and skiing through the penalty phase of the biathlon run.  With all the saber metrics, velocities, experimentation with new pitches and metronomes, the only thing that matters is winning and beating the creepy crawlers in blue that have decided to charge extra for the privilege of watching Yasiel Puig eat 250000 bundt cakes.  No thank you.

Play ball, new thread!

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